TC 27: Thicker Than Blood
by Tegan's Muse
Summary: Will Tegan be able to fit back in with her team? Can she repair the rift she has created in her relationships?
1. Chapter 1

**The Tegan Chronicles**

**Thicker than Blood 1**

Jack glanced back at Tegan for the ninth time. She was tired of pretending not to notice by the fifth time. The last three times she made it a point to glare at him. This time she couldn't bite her tongue anymore. "Is there a problem Colonel?"

Everyone stopped and looked at her. She took another step before stopping herself. It put her right in Sam's personal space, but she didn't care even as the blonde took half a step back to give them both breathing room.

"Just making sure everyone's still here." He waved his hand around the group. "It's been quiet."

"Funny because the only person you've been eying is me." She called him on his bluff.

"Yeah well," He shrugged. "You're bringing up the rear, so if your still back there so is everyone else."

"Why don't you just say what you're really doing Colonel?" Sweat broke out on her forehead from the midday sun.

Daniel gazed uneasily between them as Teal'c and Sam waited to step in if necessary.

"And just what is it you think I'm doing?" Jack kept his voice non-confrontational.

"You're checking on the crippled soldier. You're thinking 'it's bad enough I've had to pick up the slack because she's a female but now she's crippled too.'"

"I've never worked with a male soldier that was as capable as you or Major Carter. And the only one here who thinks you're crippled, is you; so the sooner you get over that the better off we'll all be."

"Indeed." Teal'c spoke as Sam and Daniel nodded in agreement.

"Now are we going to finish this mission or do you need some more time to recuperate mentally?"

"This isn't even a real mission." Her prosthetic fist clenched. As much as it was part of her it was still foreign and she looked down at it momentarily. "I read SG7's reports on this planet, dense ground vegetation, no signs of inhabitants aside from the existing stargate. This is just a get Tegan back in the saddle mission and nothing more."

"Fine, then we'll just head back and you can explain to General Hammond why we scrapped the mission."

When Jack put it like that it didn't sound like such a good idea. But before she could answer she got that uneasy feeling she often got when there was a Goa'uld present, or at least several Jaffa. She turned to Teal'c ignoring Jack's expectant expression.

"Teal'c do you feel anything?"

"I-" He paused and raised one eyebrow as he concentrated for a second. "I do not."

"Kiser?" Jack's finger tensed over his trigger.

"It's probably nothing." She shook her head.

"It's never nothing." Daniel had learned his lesson when it came to Tegan's intuition and feelings. It had been an expensive lesson especially for Tegan. He looked uneasily to the tree line where Tegan was concentrating.

"Tegan?" Sam stepped and turned so they were shoulder to shoulder.

Tegan shook her head ready to concede when Teal'c announced; "There is something moving in the tree line."

He powered his staff weapon.

Tegan grabbed her own weapon smoothly swinging it into position.

"Just one time I'd like you to be wrong." Jack grumbled.

"Me too sir."

"Please lower your weapons." The Goa'uld like voice called out from behind a tree. "We mean you no harm. We are Tok'ra."

* * *

Tegan was the first to step back through the Stargate. She saw Janet, who'd been standing at the door, quickly slip out as she looked up at General Hammond. Sam and Jack rematerialized after her. Seconds later Daniel and Teal'c came through the event horizon.

"Sir," Jack spoke. "We have intel from the Tok'ra on Nirrti."

"It's good to see you're all in one piece." General Hammond nodded to Jack but kept his eyes on Tegan, who he couldn't quite read. "We'll debrief as soon as your posts are done. Doctors Fraiser and Scully are waiting."

"Yes sir." Jack stepped past Tegan. "You coming Kiser?"

"You know I am sir."

"What's up?" Jack asked as they headed down the hall. "Still mad about the mission?"

"No."

"You're a bad liar."

"I'm not lying, sir." She stopped. "Mission aside, I just wish everyone would stop treating me like I'm different."

"Whaddya mean?"

"Janet was in the embarkation room when I came through."

"She cares Kiser."

"Yeah," Tegan turned and followed Teal'c and Daniel into the infirmary.

"You made it back." Janet smiled.

"Yes, but you already knew that."

Jack just shook his head.

"Grab a bed." Janet ordered the group. "Tegan, I'll be doing your post first."

"I was hoping Dr. Scully could do it."

Janet gave her a puzzled look.

"Kiser, don't give Doc a hard time." Jack warned.

"Yes sir."

Janet held Tegan's chart out to Dana. "I'll take Colonel O'Neill's."

"How was the mission?" Dana pulled the curtain around them.

"Boring, and except for the fact we ran into some Tok'ra these posts would be meaningless."

"So you're taking it out on Janet?" Dana pulled out her penlight and checked Tegan's pupils.

"No, I'm just tired of her smothering me."

"She almost lost you, we almost lost you."

"It's not the first time, won't be the last."

"No, and that's all the more reason." She looked at the prosthetic. "I need you to take it off."

"Why?"

"You need to ask?" Dana gave her an exaggerated look. "It's part of your routine pre and post examine now."

Tegan disengaged it and pulled it off before slipping the protective sleeve off.

"Do you remember when Janet fell off that cliff?"

"Yeah." Tegan stared at Dana's blue eyes as she examined her stump for any signs of tissue breakdown.

Dana cut her eyes up to Tegan's. "Then remember what that felt like and cut her some slack."

Tegan dropped her eyes.

"We're done here. You're free to go."


	2. Chapter 2

**The Tegan Chronicles**

**Thicker than Blood 2**

"They asked for our help." Tegan reiterated.

"And I said SG1 can brief SG3, because you're not going." He put more emphasis on 'you're' than he meant to.

"I'm ready."

"I didn't say you weren't."

"You didn't have to, sir." She grabbed the water glass in front of her with her left hand.

He waited knowing if he didn't speak she'd continue despite having already over stepped her bounds.

"You sent us on a snipe hunt today."

"You came back with valuable intel." He was vaguely surprised how far he was letting this go, how far he was letting her push it. From their expressions, so was the rest of SG1.

"Intel that you didn't expect. If the Tok'ra hadn't intercepted us it would have been a complete waste of time and resources." Her accusation ended with a loud pop as the glass in her hand cracked spilling water onto the table and her lap. "Shit."

Ignoring the incident for the moment General Hammond locked eyes with her. He cut off the apology that was already forming on her lips. "Are you questioning my orders?"

"I..." She closed her mouth, opened it, closed it again. She looked away from him. "No sir."

"Good, because Nirrti is hell bent on taking you captive, and she's counting on SG1 going in to save the Tok'ra. It's a trap, and I feel better sending in a marine unit that doesn't already have a price on it's head."

The muscle in Tegan's jaw clenched.

"You're dismissed, except for you Major Kiser. You can leave after you clean up the mess you made."

"Yes sir."

Sam was waiting in the hall when she emerged from the debriefing room.

"I don't want to talk about it Sam."

"About what?" Sam smiled slyly.

"Whatever it is you were waiting here to talk to me about." Tegan headed down the corridor.

"I was going to offer to work on the biofeedback in your prosthetic." She followed at a quick pace.

"There's nothing wrong with it." Tegan pressed the up button for the elevator.

"Are you sure?"

"I'm suturing fine with it." The doors opened and she stepped in.

"But the glass..." Sam watched Tegan turn around and punch in her floor.

"I knew I had more than an adequate grip on it." The doors slid shut leaving Sam standing there.

* * *

"Hey Sam." Janet didn't even have to look up to know who was standing in the doorway to her office. "What can I do for you?"

"How's Tegan doing?"

"You just spent the last five hours off world with her."

"Yeah." Sam stared off.

"Then you probably know more about how she's doing than I do."

Sam nodded, understanding things still weren't back to normal between them.

"Why what's up?"

"General Hammond told us to debrief another SG team on the intel we received and she broke a glass. When I asked her about working on the biofeedback she told me she knew she had 'more than an adequate grip' on the glass."

"So you think she did it on purpose?"

"I don't know." Sam sighed. "I mean, according to her she knew she was exerting more force on the glass than necessary, but was it intentional? I just don't know."

"I can't tell you where her head is right now." Janet frowned lightly. "She wouldn't even let me do her post."

Sam nodded.

* * *

Janet was surprised when Tegan didn't head to bed or the other half of the duplex after dinner. She looked over her medical journal at Tegan who'd been staring at the blank TV since Cassie had gone to bed forty minutes earlier. "What are you thinking about?"

"Resigning my commission."

"You tried that once, remember?"

"Yeah, when I was still an asset to the military."

"Does this have anything to do with the debriefing this afternoon?"

"What do you know about it?"

"Just that you broke a glass."

"Who told you?"

"Someone who is concerned about you."

Tegan rolled her eyes reminding Janet of Cassie.

"You know, maybe you should resign. I mean you saved SG1, kept Daniel from returning to some archeological dig in Giza and Teal'c from the horrors of evil experiments at the hands of the NID. And of course there's Sam and Jack who you saved from court martial." She kept the sarcasm from her tone. "You don't owe anyone anything. And hell, it'll make my life so much easier. I won't have to worry anymore when you step through that gate that you'll be coming back half dead, or worse yet, not coming back at all."

Tegan stared at Janet. She had expected her to rally in her favor, not encourage her.

Janet watched the darkening greens in Tegan's irises. It was a science she was still trying to master, reading those shifts. But she'd seen that exact shade several times just before Tegan closed everyone out.

"Maybe I will."

"Maybe you should." Everything she'd said was true. She could give Tegan a million and one reasons why quitting now was ok, good even. But she still felt guilty because she's promised herself after Tegan gave up her Ducati, to never ask her to give up anything else. To never try and change her.

Still, she looked at Tegan who'd gone back to staring at the blank screen, she wasn't even the same Tegan anymore. Not really. Not since the accident. Though Janet completely understood it from a medical point of view, from a human standpoint she wanted, no she needed the old Tegan back. The one who smiled and laughed, and loved to cook and play with Cassie. The one who sang and more than anything the one who loved her as much as she loved her.

Tegan turned her head slightly. "What?"

Janet shook her head. "Are you going to sleep with me tonight?"

"No."

"Fine." Janet swallowed the hurt, even though she understood why. "I'm going on to bed then."


	3. Chapter 3

**The Tegan Chronicles**

**Thicker than Blood 3**

"General Hammond will see you now."

Tegan stepped into the doorway.

"What can I do for you Major?" General Hammond looked up shocked to see her in her basic blues including a skirt and not her normal BDUs. Not to mention the fact that she was standing there saluting him. He loosely saluted and pointed to the empty chair facing his desk.

Tegan closed the door and crossed the small space. Instead of sitting she removed her prosthetic arm which held a sealed envelope in its grasp and laid it on the desk.

"What's the meaning of this?"

"It's a request to resign my commission sir."

"Does this have anything to do with my assigning SG3 to the mission?"

"No sir." She'd anticipated the question.

"Then what? Why resign?"

"Just trying to beat the military to the punch, sir."

"Elaborate." He pointed to the empty chair.

"I'd rather resign then be medically discharged sir." She sat, carefully crossing her thin legs.

"I don't fore see that happening."

"You won't let SG1 go after Nirrti, and you send me off on some test mission to get me back in the saddle." She didn't ask permission to speak freely, at this point she didn't care.

"You just told me this didn't have anything to do with that, and my not sending SG1 on that mission has nothing to do with your abilities."

She stared quietly knowing he wouldn't share his rationale, or rather that it hadn't changed from the previous afternoon. She used his silence on the matter to justify her own reasoning.

"I think you need to take some time off Major. You've got over sixty days of leave accumulated, maybe you should take a few weeks. Go somewhere. Get away. Clear your mind."

"I don't need to clear my mind, sir." She grumbled.

"You're sure?"

Tegan nodded.

"This is what you want? You're positive?"

"One hundred percent sir."

He plucked the envelope from the fingers of the bio-mechanical fingers and without opening it fed it neatly into his shredder. "Request denied, return to your post Major Kiser."

"Sir." She protested, her chair sliding back as she stood.

"We've been over this once before, and 'they' haven't changed their stance and neither have I. So unless you want to reconsider that vacation, I suggest you return to work."

She sighed and picked up her prosthetic. Without a word she marched out of his office.

"Looking sharp today." Jack commented as she passed him and Daniel in the hall. When she continued on her way he turned to Daniel. "Did she just growl at me?"

"Yeah." He nodded. "I believe she did."

"Was it something I said?"

Daniel shrugged again.

* * *

"Hey Doc." Jack found her just after she'd finished a physical in the infirmary.

"Yes Colonel?" She turned to face him.

"What's up with Kiser?"

"What do you mean?" She asked for clarification.

"She just growled at me in the hall."

"Oh?" Her brow furrowed. "I don't know."

"Yes you do." He called her bluff.

"You would have to ask her Colonel, I really can't speak for her."

"Mmmmhmmm." He turned to leave and almost ran right into Sam who was coming in. "Carter."

"Colonel." She smiled. "General Hammond's looking for you."

"Bet he didn't think to look here." He looked over at Janet who pretended to be absorbed in her work. "Guess I should go see what he wants."

"What was he doing here?" Sam mumbled to herself as she shook her head.

* * *

"You wanted to see me sir?"

"Come on in Jack. Have a seat."

Jack closed the door and dropped unceremoniously into the chair. "Does this have to do with Major Kiser?"

"How'd you know?"

"I saw her in the hall a little while ago and she seemed off." He sat up straight now, all business. "You're not thinking of having her discharged are you?"

"No, your mission report didn't give me any indication to think I should even consider it." He paused. "Unless there's something you left out."

"No sir." Except how Tegan had bitched about the mission being farce.

"Good."

The room fell silent for several minutes, finally General Hammond pulled a file from the stack on his desk. He turned it around and offered it to Jack. "It's your next mission, SG1 is jumping tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?" Jack scanned the single sheet of paper in the file. Nothing jumped out at him as urgent. "You're not sending another team out first?"

"Is she up to task or not Jack?"

"She is, I just don't see why this is so important to send us right back out." He pointed to the file.

"Because she wants to quit Jack, and if the wrong person catches wind McKenzie just mind find some strings to start pulling."

"I thought we had that in the bag."

"The review board has no intention of letting her go, she's too valuable to the military."

"Yeah." Jack thought back to how he was pulled out of retirement because of the Stargate Project.

* * *

"Another boring mission." Tegan commented as she kicked a rock. They'd traveled about a mile from the gate. "How far out did the team search this time?"

"They didn't." Jack adjusted his army green baseball cap.

"Bullshit." Tegan grumbled.

Jack turned and stepped into her space, his nose only a few millimeters from hers.

"Do you have a problem Major?" He barked.

She felt like she was in boot camp with a drill Sergeant riding her. "This is crap sir, going behind another SG team just so we can pretend we were on a real mission."

"I told you no one's been on this planet yet, so you'd better drop whatever shit you're carrying on your back before I have you reassigned."

"Scrubbing toilets in Antarctica?"

"Try a communications outpost in Turkey, isolated tour."

Everyone knew the conditions there were bad. They wanted the US military there about as much as most people wanted to be stationed there. You had to check your windowsills for homemade bombs every night.


	4. Chapter 4

**The Tegan Chronicles**

**Thicker than Blood 4**

At 1000 hours the next morning Tegan sat down in Tilly's office.

"I didn't expect to see you back so soon."

"I didn't come of my own accord." Tegan glanced at her watch and wondered if an hour long staring contest with the orchid would count as a session and get the monkey off her back.

"So why are you here then?"

"Orders from Colonel O'Neill."

"Huh?" Tilly said thoughtfully. "Must be pretty bad if Colonel O'Neill is suggesting you come visit me."

"It wasn't a suggestion."

Tilly nodded. "Want to talk about it?"

"No." Tegan shook her head but offered up a brief run down of her last two missions, and her attempt to resign.

Tilly already knew just how hard headed she was. "Have you forgiven them yet?"

"Who?" Tegan didn't see how any of this was relevant.

"Everyone, your team, General Hammond, Dr. Fraiser, yourself." She was certain there was more going on between Janet and Tegan than a professional relationship, but Tegan had previously denied it in the interest of don't ask don't tell.

"There's nothing to forgive."

"Trust me on this one, there is. You need to forgive Dr. Fraiser and General Hammond for not telling you what McKenzie was up to. You need to forgive your team for the same, and for not listening to you when you said they shouldn't proceed with the mission."

"You can't expect your team to derail a mission based on a feeling you've got in your gut. I don't blame them."

"Then maybe you need to blame them so you can forgive them. They need to be forgiven almost as much as you need to forgive them."

"Whatever." Tegan mumbled.

"And you..." Tilly shook her head. "Stop blaming yourself, and carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders. It's time to forgive yourself and move on."

"I haven't a clue what you mean."

"Why did you lose your arm?"

"Because we stepped into a trap..." Tegan's mind was moving faster than her mouth could, and suddenly she knew she was going to be sick. "Bathroom."

Tilly nodded as Tegan who had turned green around the gills headed toward the waiting room and made a B line for the bathroom.

When she returned Tilly handed her a cold can of coke. "Did you eat this morning?"

Tegan nodded as she popped the top to the coke at took a tentative sip.

"Good." Tilly waited for Tegan to sit back down. "What just happened?"

"It was my fault, me losing my arm, Daniel getting shot. She wanted information, information about me. Information we couldn't give."

"You couldn't give, or you wouldn't give?"

"Couldn't."

"Military protocol, name and rank?"

Tegan nodded and took a longer draw on the cold sweet coke, she wasn't sure it was helping her stomach and put it on the empty coaster by the orchid.

"Then it wasn't your fault." Of course they both knew that revelation wasn't going to stop Tegan from blaming herself. All Tilly could hope for was that Tegan would offer absolution to her team, her friends, and that in doing so she would find it for herself.

* * *

"Hey Tiki." Jack popped his head in Tegan's lab at 1139 hours.

She looked at him with cautious curiosity. He hadn't called her that in over a year.

"Did you go?"

"I did."

"And?" He stepped all the way in.

"And it's confidential." She shook her head at him.

"I know, I was just wondering if you wanted to share."

"Nope." She didn't feel like formalities today.

"Ok." He held up a manilla folder and fanned it in the air. "We're heading out at 0700 tomorrow."

"Another mission?" She watched him drop the folder in front of her.

"You and me."

"We've been to this planet." She recognized the destination on the outside of the folder P3G-256, and a light bulb clicked. It was during her first few months at the SGC when they'd first visited the rather primitive planet. She looked down at her right palm as she remembered catching the tiki torch just before it connected with Jack's rear.

"Yeah, they've invited us back."

"Just us?"

Jack nodded, then though better of it. "Actually just you, but..." He paused waiting for her to interrupt. When she didn't he continued. "Look we really haven't had much contact with these people since our initial contact. In fact we were completely surprised to hear from them. So when they asked for you to come to some ceremony to appease the Gods, I just wasn't comfortable sending you on your own."

"0700?"

"Yes." He wondered why she hadn't gone off on a tirade. Maybe talking to Tilly helped, but he wasn't holding his breath on that one.

* * *

They'd been on the planet for about five minutes when Tegan kicked a rock in front of her. "Why'd you do it?"

"Do what?"

"Lie to me."

"Oh, that." He shook his head. "I didn't think McKenzie had any right to dictate how quickly you should or shouldn't return to work. I wanted you to have the best shot at recovery as possible."

"Even if it meant court martial and possible jail time."

"Yup, even if it meant that." He raised an eyebrow. "Forgive me?"

"For what? I'm the one who's been acting like an ass."

"Well I forgive you for having a lot of crap to carry around lately." He smiled lightly.

"Yeah, well..." She waited for him to look her in the eyes. "I forgive you too."

"Thanks." He smiled and checked his watch.

"Something's not right."

"Yeah, I kind of expected a welcoming party."

"Should we go check it out?"

He didn't like the feeling he was getting. "What do you think?"

"I don't feel a Goa'uld presence, if that's what you're asking."

He nodded. "Alright, let's check it out."

* * *

Tegan stepped back through the gate with Jack at her side. They both had soot smeared on their faces, gray ash covering their boots and sprinkled in their hair.

"We weren't expecting you back for at least another three hours, Colonel." General Hammond spoke from the control room.

Jack looked up. "They were all dead, we were too late."

"I want to debrief now, your post mission physicals can wait." He glanced at Tegan who nodded letting him know there were no pressing medical matters.

Tegan sunk into the chair across from Jack and turned slightly to look at General Hammond.

"They didn't show up at the gate, so we decided to go into the village and check things out." His eyes glazed over at the memory. It wasn't like they hadn't seen mass carnage before, but it just proved he was still human.

"They were all dead." Tegan spoke. "Bodies everywhere burning."

"A rival tribe?"

Jack shook his head.

"As far as we know they were the only inhabitants."

"Goa'uld?" General Hammond probed.

"I don't think so." Tegan closed her eyes trying to forget the smell of burning flesh. "The pre mission report stated they were going to be doing a ceremony today to appeal to the rain Gods because they hadn't had rain in two moon cycles. It could have been an accident, someone knocked over a tiki torch in the middle of the night. The huts are made out of dried grass and palm fronds, as dry as it was, the whole village would have gone up in smoke in a matter of minutes."

"Alright, I want you both to report to the infirmary."

Tegan stood up shadowing Jack's movements.

* * *

Janet pocketed her stethoscope. "I want you to take the rest of the day off."

"I'm fine."

"I know, but I'm giving you the same orders I gave Colonel O'Neill."

"It's not like I've got anything pressing waiting in my lab."

"You do know it took three people to do your job while you were gone, and that's just the lab aspect."

Tegan nodded. "I just wish Dana, Sam, and Dr. Vickers would have left something for me to do when I came back."

"I'm sure something will turn up soon."

"Probably." She sighed as she put her prosthetic back on. "I'll see you at home."

Janet nodded.


	5. Chapter 5

The Tegan Chronicles

Thicker than Blood 5

Cassie was in the living room working on a report for history class when she heard a sound from the kitchen where Tegan was working on dinner. At first she thought Tegan had stepped on Galahad, but he was curled up by her leg, or had been until he'd heard the awful sound from the kitchen. Cassie hopped up off the couch and saw Tegan fumbling with her prosthetic. She'd never seen her have problems removing it before, and wished she could help. She knew only Tegan's, her mom's or Sam's thumb print would work to get the release to work, and maybe Jack's but she wasn't sure. "Tegan? Are you ok?"

"Yes." She hissed, finally getting her thumb to connect with the reader. Her hand was trembling and she was covered in a thin sheen of sweat.

"No you're not." Cassie had seen Tegan look pretty bad in the last four months, and this was close to the worst. She was pale, bordering on gray and her breathing was strange.

"I need you to call your mom." Tegan dropped the prosthetic and slid to the floor. "Get the combination to the safe."

"We have a safe?" She was already dialing the base.

Tegan nodded and moaned, "Tell her I need," she gasped. "Morphine."

Cassie knew it was bad if Tegan was asking for any pain medication, especially Morphine.

"Cheyenne Mountain, Sergeant Richards speaking. How may I direct your call?"

"This is Cassie Fraiser, I need to speak with Dr. Fraiser it's an emergency."

"Hold please."

Cassie growled in the phone as she looked at Tegan who was laying on her back tapping her head on the ceramic tile floor. She wasn't sure which would crack first the tile or her head but she wished she would stop.

It seemed like eternity, but in fact was less than a minute, before she heard her mother's voice. "Fraiser."

"Mom, Tegan needs morphine." She looked at Tegan's pained expression, her eyes that were clenched shut. "I didn't even know we had a safe."

"Alright." Janet remained calm. "Go in my office, it's behind the picture of you I have hanging on the wall."

"It's bad." Cassie said as she took the picture off the wall. "Alright, got it."

"The code is 102943."

"Which one is it?" Cassie peered into the small safe that held four injectors.

"There should be two that say Morphine Sulfate on the side in black letters. Give her one of those."

"I don't know how to give it to her. And there's no way she can give it to herself."

"Is she wearing pants or shorts?" Janet wished she knew what was going on.

"Hold on, something's burning." Cassie moved the frying pan with olive oil and veggies off the burner and turned the stove off. "Shorts."

"Alright, just hold it against the outside of her upper thigh and push the button on the back." Janet was sure Cassie had seen her administer the injections before.

"This might hurt a little." Cassie followed her mom's instructions when Tegan didn't respond. "Done, I think."

"Ok." Janet sighed. "I'll be home as soon as I can."

"Are you leaving work now?"

"As soon as I can let Dana know I need to leave. Ok?"

"Yeah."

"Cassie?"

"What?"

"You did a good job."

"I don't know, she's still hitting her head on the floor." Cassie sat on the floor beside and put her hand in Tegan's, ignoring the pain as she squeezed it.

"She's not seizing is she?" Janet figured the teen had seen enough seizures to know the difference.

"No." Cassie felt Tegan's grasp lighten. "She just stopped."

"I'm on my way, call me on my cell if you need me."

"Bye."

"What happened?" Janet asked when she found Tegan out on the floor with Cassie and Galahad beside her.

"She yelped, fumbled with her arm, looked really pasty, told me she was ok before falling on the floor and asking for Morphine." Cassie exaggerated a little but it was how it had looked to her. "Then she proceeded to hit her head on the tile until it kicked in."

"You did good." Janet picked up the used injector and looked at the partially over cooked dinner on the stove and the raw chicken sitting in a bowl beside it.

"I'm going to go finish my homework."

"Think you could help me move her to the couch first?"

Cassie nodded.

Dana stopped by a little after five with pizza and salad from Fargo's pizza. "Hey, I thought you guys might need dinner."

Janet smiled from her position in the chair as Cassie took the food. "Yeah, it looks like Tegan was working on it, but it got burnt."

"How's she doing?"

Janet shook her head. "She's been out since I got home."

"Well if she's out she's not in pain."

Tegan moaned.

"Not too much anyway." Dana grimaced. "Do you think it's phantom pain?"

"If I had to guess?" Janet nodded.

"Yeah, me too. Pretty bad though."

"Yeah, I don't ever remember her actually asking for Morphine."

"Look, I've got day shift covered tomorrow." Dana didn't want to sound like she was taking over or anything. "I hope you don't mind, but I went ahead and shuffled things around so you don't have any physicals on your schedule if you need to stay home."

"Thanks, I appreciate it. I think I'm going to 'need' to stay home, it'll probably be the only way I can get her to stay."

Dana nodded. "I'm going to head out, if you need anything give me a call."

"How much do I owe you for the pizza?"

"Nothing, I got it."

"Let me pay you."

"Please, it's what friends do, remember?"

"Thanks." Janet smiled lightly. It was nice to know she had people who were willing to help out near by.

When Tegan finally woke up it was almost seven and she pushed herself off the couch and did a drunken run to the bathroom. Janet followed close behind and stood outside the closed door listening to Tegan first bring up stomach acid and then dry heave into the toilet. She went in the office and drew up a healthy dose of Phenergan. "Tegan?"

"Huh?" Tegan grunted between heaves. She hated that morphine had a tendency to make her sick.

"Do you need Phenergan?"

She didn't want it, another forceful heave and she swore she felt her knee caps hit her tonsils. She probably needed it, and so after bringing up nothing more than the bathroom tiles beneath her feet, she managed to answer in the affirmative.

Janet turned to doorknob surprised she hadn't locked it behind her. "Why don't we get you to the couch, or better yet bed before I give this to you?"

Tegan put the lid down and flushed the commode. She washed her hands and threw cold water on her face. "I need to brush my teeth first."

"Ok." Janet knew it'd only cause her to gag and heave more, but if it would make her feel better.

While Tegan brushed her teeth in the master bath that they shared, Janet got a cool wet rag and pulled out something a little more comfortable for Tegan to sleep in.

Tegan changed into the pajamas Janet had selected and climbed into the bed in the adjoining bedroom.

"I'm going to get the air mattress and sleep in here tonight."

"No, I'm ok."

"Still."

Tegan sighed, she was tired of putting Janet out, but she was also too hungover from the morphine to argue.

"You want to show me some leg?"

Tegan rolled slightly moving her shorts out of the way so Janet could inject the Phenergan.

"You're not going to work tomorrow. I'll call Colonel O'Neill and let him know." Janet injected the medication and put the needle aside.

"I'll be able to work tomorrow." Tegan rolled back on her back.

"Consider it a three day holiday weekend then." Janet patted her forehead with the cool rag.

Tegan closed her eyes and conceded. "Whatever."

"What happened tonight?"

"Can we talk tomorrow?"

"Yeah, we can."


	6. Chapter 6

The Tegan Chronicles

Thicker than Blood 6

Tegan didn't come downstairs until ten. She was showered and wearing her prosthetic along with a pair of running shorts and a heather gray air force t-shirt. Janet looked down at Tegan's bare feet and smiled. "Hungry?"

Tegan nodded as she moved to the cabinet and pulled out a bowl and found the Special K with strawberries.

"Ready to talk about what happened last night?" Janet watched her pour a bowl full of cereal.

Tegan pulled the milk out of the refrigerator and checked the date before pouring it into the bowl. She grabbed a spoon and shoved a spoonful in her mouth before heading for the table. She hated for her cereal to get soggy. "Let me eat first."

Janet sighed and got up to fix another cup of coffee.

When she finished eating Tegan gave the remaining tablespoon of pink milk to Galahad. "I was in the middle of cooking and my arm started hurting."

"Pretty badly if you asked for morphine." Janet pointed out. "Cassie said you fell onto the floor and started hitting your head."

"I didn't fall onto the floor."

"But you did ask for morphine and hit your head on the floor?"

"I was trying to focus on something besides the pain."

"Where was the pain?"

"It was in my head."

"Your head hurt?"

"No." Tegan shook her head frustrated. "My arm hurt, but it's got to be in my head."

"Why?"

"If you go with the theory that phantom pain is caused by the brain thinking the phantom limb is paralyzed, my brain shouldn't think that since it makes the bio-mechanical arm move."

"Yes, but it's just a theory. We really don't know the physiology behind phantom pain. I personally think it's because of the damage done to the nerves." Janet gave her opinion.

"What did Colonel O'Neill say when you called?" Tegan changed the subject.

"He said he hoped you felt better soon."

"What did you tell him?"

"That you threw up and I had to give you Phenergan."

Tegan shook her head. It technically wasn't a lie.

* * *

"Morning Teal'c." Tegan greeted as she passed him in the hall Monday morning.

He bowed slightly to her really not knowing what to say, she hadn't said anything to him in passing since she'd returned to active duty.

She stopped and turned around. "Are you busy?"

"No." He looked from her to his empty hands.

"Interested in a sparring match?"

She had never offered to spar with him, in fact he'd never sparred with any females before.

"Is that wise?"

"You're just afraid I'm going to hurt you." She smiled lightly knowing it couldn't be further than the truth.

He eyed her prosthetic and thought back to the glass incident. "Indeed."

"Good, then we're nicely matched."

Jack had stopped by Sam's lab and let her know Tegan and Teal'c were going to be working on some hand to hand skills if she wanted to join him in observing. She set aside the Naquada reactor she was troubleshooting and followed him down the hall. "Is this really a good idea?"

"I told him to go easy on her." Jack grinned.

"It's not Tegan I'm worried about."

Sam watched as they fought, both Tegan and Teal'c working up a sweat. She watched as Tegan effortlessly used her prosthetic, it really was working as an extension of her body, just as they had hoped.

Teal'c winced and Jack leaned over whispering in Sam's ear, "He never does that when I spar with him."

Tegan released her grip. "You know I just realized something."

"What's that?" Jack asked from his perch atop a stool.

"I'm carrying a lethal weapon."

"Sorry to burst your bubble;" Sam held her own hands up. "But you were a lethal weapon before you got the new arm."

"Yeah." She turned to Teal'c. "I'm beat."

They'd been going at it for close to two hours, and he nodded.

Somehow she knew she didn't need to clarify things with him, not with words anyway. She had forgiven him, he had accepted and that was that. "I'm going to hit the shower."

A few hours later she appeared in Sam's doorway. Sam glanced up concern wrinkling her forehead.

"Need any help?"

Sam shook her head. "I'm thinking about calling it a day. This generator is making my head hurt."

Tegan's eyes narrowed on her as if she had x-ray vision and was preforming a live CT scan.

"Not actual pain."

Tegan nodded her understanding as her checks flushed.

"You know what I could use though?"

"What?"

"A nice mocha frappe from that place on Vine. You want to join me?"

Tegan glanced at her watch. It was close enough to quitting time. "Sure, I need to lock up the lab on the way out."

Tegan ordered a frozen hot chocolate which turned out to be quite a tasty oxymoron topped with chocolate sauce drizzled. whipped cream She took a drag through the straw worthy of inducing a massive brain freeze and looked across the table at Sam who was currently regarding her.

Sam had changed into a blue peasant top that accented her eyes. Tegan had gone with a long sleeve olive button down over a brown tank top and a pair of comfy jeans. She still wasn't comfortable being out in public with her prosthetic.

"What?" Sam asked when she noticed Tegan staring back at her.

Tegan shook her head, then lowered her voice. "Did you use the healing device?"

"No." Sam looked down at her mocha frappe. "It's missing."

A wrinkle marred Tegan's forehead when Sam looked back up.

"It was at Area 51 last, and it's currently MIA."

"Five finger discount?"

"Yeah, something like that. I even went out to see if I could help them locate it. It seems it grew legs and walked off base."

Tegan nodded. "Are we cool?"

She knew Tegan wasn't asking if they were part of the in crowd. "You tell me."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"You didn't ask, and I was following orders."

Tegan nodded. It wasn't until they were about to part, in the parking lot, before she turned to Sam. "Yeah, we're cool."

* * *

"Tegan, dinner's ready." Janet called into the living room.

"I'm not hungry." She responded as Cassie stampeded by.

"You need to eat."

"Not this again." Cassie rolled her eyes while piling Janet's homemade macaroni and cheese on her plate.

"Sam and I went out after work."

Janet sighed. "That wasn't food."

"You go to a bar?" Cassie asked as she popped a grape tomato into her mouth.

"Cafe." Tegan responded.

"You could at least join us for the conversation." Janet speared a broccoli floret with the prongs of her fork.

Tegan closed her eyes.


	7. Chapter 7

**The Tegan Chronicles**

**Thicker than Blood 7**

"Hey." Daniel cautiously stuck his head into Tegan's lab to find her sitting behind her desk.

"Hey." She glanced up glad he couldn't see the game of solitaire she was playing on the computer.

"I just thought I'd see if you wanted to grab some lunch."

"I'm a little busy right now." She glanced at the screen as if that would make it true.

"Yeah, no problem." He looked like she'd just killed his puppy. "I'll catch you later."

Tegan walked into the doorway of Daniel's office and casually leaned against the frame. It was 1515 hours and he was intensely studying an artifact.

"What language is that?" She startled him.

"A form of ancient Anglo-Saxon, I think." He glanced up at her.

"I didn't mean to brush you off at lunch." She reasoned it wasn't him she'd been brushing off but lunch.

He didn't say anything but the hurt puppy expression returned.

"Maybe we could do dinner?"

He shrugged.

"I know this great steak place."

"Yeah, I'm not allowed in that steak place." Sam, Jack and Daniel had been banned for life after an altercation, having something to do with alien technology and a virus it infected them with, had taken place there.

"Oh yeah." Tegan grinned. "I forgot. Why don't I pick you up at 1800 hours and we'll do a picnic, it's warm enough now. I know the perfect place."

"Ok."

Half an hour after she'd picked him up they still hadn't reached their destination. Daniel pulled his eyes from the solid white line on the side of the road. "You did mean the perfect place for a picnic, and not to drop a body, right?"

Tegan smiled lightly. "It's just up ahead."

Daniel swallowed. He hadn't seen a single car since they'd pulled off the main thoroughfare at least eight miles back.

Tegan pulled off the road onto a long abandoned overlook and parked the car.

Daniel opened his door and got out looking cautiously over the drop. "Tegan, I'm..."

"I don't want to hear it." She cut him off as she opened the trunk.

Daniel eyed the drop off and squeezed himself against the passenger door.

"You're not afraid of heights are you?" She pulled the picnic basket out and balanced it on the edge of the open trunk.

He grunted.

Even in the light of the pre-setting sun she could tell he was pale. "Daniel, are you ok?"

"Fine." He brushed off her concern the same way she had so often done with his.

"Maybe a picnic wasn't such a good idea." She sat the basket back in the trunk.

"Maybe."

"Daniel." She turned to face him. "I don't blame you. You didn't do this to me."

"I was the one who got us captured."

She couldn't argue with him on that point. "Maybe so, but you've got to stop blaming yourself and move on. I don't blame you. Nothing has changed, I still feel the same about you as I always have."

"Really?"

"Really, but if it helps I forgive you."

"It does." He grinned. "Just how have you always felt about me?"

"Like I want to ravish your boyish figure." She mock growled.

"Do you kiss Janet with that mouth?"

"Sometimes."

He wasn't sure why, but her playful mood suddenly shifted. He ventured a guess. "Things ok between you two?"

Tegan shook her head but didn't elaborate.

"I won't take sides if you feel the need to talk."

"Thanks." She gave him a noncommittal smile.

"So, what's for dinner?" He reached into the trunk and pulled out the basket.

* * *

"I miss her." Janet squeezed her lemon wedge into her diet Coke. She'd invited Tegan to join her, Sam and Dana after work Friday for dinner, but she told Janet she needed an evening of solitude. As if she wasn't spending enough time alone.

"She does still live with you." Sam pointed out, even though she understood the point.

"She does and she doesn't." Janet didn't know just how much her friends really wanted her to share. "She eats dinner with Cassie and I, when she's eating, and that's about it. She sleeps in the other master bedroom. I don't remember the last time..."

"The last time what?" Dana tore the last dinner roll in half.

"You had sex?" Sam asked letting Janet know nothing was off limits tonight.

"No, but that's been a long time too. I was going to say that she touched me, or that we even had a heartfelt conversation." She sighed glad they'd waited until they were almost done eating to have this conversation. "It's like she's slipping away and I'm helpless to do anything about it."

"Well," Dana swallowed a mouthful of bread. "At least you know she isn't cheating on you."

Janet felt a pang of Déjà vu as she remembered Cassie's almost accusing conversation over a bowl of cheerios.

"She's not cheating on you." Sam assured as she watched the sadness deepen in Janet's brown eyes.

"I know." Janet sighed. "But, what if..."

They both waited for her to form the question.

"What if, " She started again, "her personality changed because of the brain surgery? What if I'll never get the Tegan I know back?"

"She's in there." Sam promised.

"No, Janet's right." Dana draped her napkin over her plate. She knew she didn't need to sugar coat anything for Janet. "Personality changes happen all the time with brain surgery."

"Just give her time." Sam repeated.

"Well, if it's sex you want I'm available." Dana's smile was a thin veil.

"Its not about the sex." Janet pushed her plate away.

"It's almost always about the sex." Dana's lips parted as her tongue played over her left incisor before dipping to lick her lower lip as she lightly sucked it in. She was devouring Sam with her eyes.

Janet shook her head, she hadn't seen that side of Dana since residency. She glanced at Sam who remained oblivious to the attention. Janet thought she and Tegan were alike in that way. "I just..."

Sam reached across the table and covered Janet's hand with hers. "She'll come around."

Janet pulled her hand away. The comfort of Sam's touch was more than she could bare as guilt flooded through her. She knew exactly how easy it would be to find repose in the arms of either of her dinner companions.

"I'm sorry." Sam's brow knitted together in confusion, she'd done the same thing countless times in the past without the same effect.

"No." Janet reached for her drink. "Don't be. I'm just out of sorts lately."

"Maybe you two should take a vacation, or something?" Dana suggested.

"You have met Tegan, right?" Janet looked at her as if she'd lost her mind.

"We are all getting to that take your leave or sell it back point." Sam pointed out. "And you've got to be crazy to sell it back."

Janet looked at Sam without changing her expression.


	8. Chapter 8

**The Tegan Chronicles**

**Thicker than Blood 8**

"We've been invited to Maggie's tomorrow for dinner." Janet announced when she came out of her office Sunday afternoon.

"You declined, right?" Tegan didn't look up from her book.

"No, I didn't. I told her we'd be there with bells on, all three of us."

She sighed. She hadn't really talked to Maggie much at all since losing her arm, it was easier to just hide inside her own little cave.

Tegan could feel eight eyes on her as she pushed her mashed potatoes around on her plate. It would have been ten, but Sam's baby blues weren't there. She'd opted to spend the evening with her dad who was visiting earth on some Tok'ra related matter.

Tegan sat her fork down and looked up.

Maggie smiled softly, her concern evident.

"Excuse me." Tegan spoke as she stood and quickly exited out the back door.

"Let her be." Maggie spoke over the scrapping of Janet's chair on the hardwood floor.

Dana looked from her mom to Janet and gave a small nod.

"I'm sorry." Janet apologized.

"There's nothing to be sorry about." Maggie looked from Janet to Cassie and back. "She just needs a little space is all."

Tegan turned her head as the back door slid open. She picked her prosthetic up off the bench.

"You don't have to put that back on, on my account."

"Thanks."

Maggie sat next to her. "I made a plate for you to take home. If you don't want it I'm sure Cassie will take care of it for you."

"The food was good, I just..."

"You don't have to explain anything to me, Tegan. If you're not in the mood to eat, you're not in the mood to eat." She reached over and took Tegan's hand in hers. "But I want you to know my offer to listen, it never goes away."

"I know, and you can't possibly know how much that means."

"If you want to talk tonight I can send them home and you can either crash here or I can take you home after." Maggie let go of her hand.

"No, I'm alright."

She and Janet were barely speaking again, or still; Tegan wasn't sure which. Of course her not wanting to eat dinner that night hadn't helped matters and rather than argue she just sat in the passenger's seat and listened to Janet rant about her not eating. When they got home Cassie went up to her room and Tegan crashed on the couch. Despite everything, it still seemed routine to spend the evening together in the living room reading before bedtime and that's exactly what Janet did.

Tegan watched Janet closed her book as she pretended to change the music going from her palm sized media player into her ears. Janet didn't even glance over as she stood placing the book on the end table at Tegan's feet. Without so much as a 'goodnight' Janet headed upstairs.

Is this what old married couples do? Tegan wondered silently, the music soft in her ears.

Tegan yawned, her eyes were dry and she blinked several times before checking her watch. Janet had gone to bed forty-five minutes ago and it was almost midnight. She sat up and cut the lamp out plunging herself into darkness. It only took a few seconds for her eyes to adjust to the blue white glow the street light cast. She stood and trudged to the stairs, a familiar song played from the mp3 player.

_Take this sinking boat and point it home. We still have time..._

She reached the top step and frowned into the night. The bedroom door was closed. Janet never closed the bedroom door.

_Falling slowly, I'll sing your melody_ –

She pulled where the cord Y'ed, the ear buds falling free and dangling near the floor.

She heard a muffled sob and stepped closer, silently pressing the palm of her right hand against the door. Another sob and her chest ached. She could see Janet, just as sure as if the door were open, curled up on the bed crying quietly into a pillow. There was no question as to the cause of the tears.

Tegan jumped lightly as she felt the cool brass knob in her hand, unaware she'd moved it. She wrapped her hand tightly around it, and took a deep breath; She was halfway down the stairs before she let it out.

"Hey."

She felt the couch shake as she heard the teen's voice.

"You're going to be late."

She squinted at her watch, she'd barely slept an hour and a half. She sat up willing the fog to leave. "Where's your mom?"

"Kitchen making coffee."

"How's her mood?"

"Don't know, I don't talk to her before her first cup of coffee if I can help it."

Tegan nodded. "Is she running late too?"

The door leading to the garage slammed shut. "Does that answer your questions?"

"Which one?"

"All of them." Cassie grinned.

"I'm late." Tegan excused herself and ran to grab a shower.

She was still in her civies, a pair of jeans and a blue flowered button down, when she walked into the infirmary.

"You're late." Dana looked up at her, a quizzical expression danced on her face.

"Overslept."

"Slept?" She questioned taking in the dark circles under Tegan's eyes. She wasn't sure if she had strung together more than a few hours of sleep since she was discharged after loosing her arm.

Tegan nodded. "Where's Janet?"

"Doing a pre-mission exam, you're with me."

"Really?"

"Yes. She scheduled you with me when the mission schedule came out."

"Oh." Tegan had gotten the schedule but there was no mention her exams would be done by anyone else. "Doesn't that go against her own policy?"

"Guess she amended it so I could not only do your exams when she's off duty, but when you two aren't getting along."

"We're getting along fine."

"Mm hmm, like oil and water."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means what it means. Come on, you're holding me up."

* * *

"Heard you were late this morning." Jack spoke as they surveyed the lifeless planet.

Tegan shrugged. "I fell asleep on the couch and over slept."

"Dog house huh?"

"Not really."

He nodded. "Let's pack it up, there's nothing here."

* * *

("Falling Slowly" written by Glen Hansard and Markéta Irglová)


	9. Chapter 9

**The Tegan Chronicles**

**Thicker than Blood 9**

It was a little after ten and Janet was sitting on the couch sulking when Tegan stood up. "I'm going to bed."

"Our bed?" Janet peered over the book she was reading.

Tegan shook her head.

She'd known better than to ask and watched as Tegan walked to the stairs.

When Tegan turned on the light in the bedroom she saw a piece of yellow paper that had been torn from a mini legal pad and folded in half. She picked it up and flipped it open to find Cassie's writing.

"And you, my (friend), there on the sad height,

Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.

Do not go gentle into that good night.

Rage, rage against the dying of the light."

She wondered if the note was brought on by her refusal to eat dinner that night. She walked back through the adjoining room and down the dark hall. When she stuck her head in Cassie's partially open bedroom door, she could hear the teen's soft breathing. She was sleeping deeply.

When she returned down the corridor Janet was standing in the doorway to their bedroom with her arms folded across her chest. "Everything alright?"

"Yeah." Tegan shook her head. "I was just checking on Cassie."

It was a little after two and Tegan couldn't sleep. Her arm hurt, not the stump but her arm, the phantom one. The limb she no longer had. It was on fire, white hot heat radiating from the outside deep to the center. But that wasn't all, she knew the pain kept her awake like it did almost every night, but tonight there was more. There was an ache inside her chest. She knew it wasn't physical, unlike the phantom pain caused by inflamed nerves. It was a longing, a need.

She rolled on her side mentally reciting the lines of the Thomas Dylan poem Cassie had written out for her. "Rage, rage against the dying of the light."

In any given context that poem had so many meanings. Did Cassie really think she was giving up, that she was going to die? Certainly not, she'd improved so much over the past month alone. Of course Cassie did see her not eating from time to time, and her and Janet arguing.

In the adjoining room she could hear Janet mouth breathing, her allergies must be acting up again despite her medications.

"Do not go gentle into that good night." Tegan whispered as she threw the covers back. She slipped out of bed in nothing but a t-shirt and low rise bikini panties and stepped across the threshold. The moonlight filtered in through the open blinds illuminating Janet's face. She was sleeping on her side with a pillow supporting one breast and her arm. Tegan used to be that pillow, but that had been months ago.

Tegan stood there for several minutes just watching the rise and fall of Janet's chest. Eventually she sat carefully on the foot of the bed observing the movement of Janet's eyes behind closed lids. She was dreaming, but of what? Tegan hoped it was of happier times. Her eyes traveled to Janet's lips, lips she hadn't kissed in weeks, over a month, had it been that long since she'd discovered the lie. And why couldn't she just move on from it? Was it only the lie holding her back?

Her eyes moved to Janet's hand, she could stare at Janet's hands forever. Not just the way they looked, the close manicured nails, long slender fingers, but the way she used them. They were soft, graceful, caring. They were the hands of a mother, a lover, a doctor, all rolled into one.

"Tegan?" Janet was still half asleep and not even sure Tegan was really in the room. Although she was certain she felt her presence as well as seeing her shadow perched on the end of the bed.

She watched her lips move, she hadn't planned on her waking. She really didn't plan any of it.

Concerned she sat up pushing the sleep from her brain. "Are you ok?"

"I was just..."

"Watching me sleep?" Janet asked when Tegan didn't finish the statement. She couldn't count the times she'd done the same.

When Janet said it, it made her feel like a stalker. Like she didn't belong. What had changed?

"Couldn't sleep?"

Tegan shook her head.

"Bad dreams? Pain?" Janet took her right hand in hers and intertwined their fingers. She needed to feel connected some how. The stolen contact during exams wasn't enough, and lately she'd even given that up.

For a second they shared a single thought, something was missing. Tegan pulled her hand free leaving Janet to contemplate what she feared most, that Tegan's personality was forever changed because of the tumor and consequent surgery.

"You didn't answer my question."

"Both." She whispered into the darkness.

"How bad is the pain?"

"It's bearable." It had to be.

"Scale of one to ten?"

"Eight."

"Better or worse than when you woke up?"

"I haven't slept." She looked away.

"I've got – "

"It won't help." Tegan cut her off.

"What about the dreams?"

Tegan shook her head again.

"It might help to talk about them."

She didn't want to tell her she had already talked to Tilly about them. It wasn't that she didn't trust Janet with her demons, but she didn't want her to have to see them.

"Maybe later." She stood up and stepped to the head of the bed. "Go back to sleep." Tegan leaned down and pressed her lips to Janet's forehead before disappearing into the adjoining room.

* * *

Tegan looked up as she saw the curtain move. "I thought Dr. Scully was doing my exam?"

"She was." Janet walked over and laid her chart on the edge of the gurney. "Did you get any sleep last night?"

Tegan nodded.

"I can't hear you."

"Yes."

Janet eyed her carefully before nodding. "Fine, you're free to go."

"Just like that?"

"Yup, your last post mission physical stands."

"Alright." She wasn't going to argue.


	10. Chapter 10

**The Tegan Chronicles**

**Thicker than Blood 10**

SG1 stepped through the gate after three days off world. Tegan and Sam were covered head to toe in orange mud, Jack and Teal'c had it caked up to their waist. Daniel had spatters of it all over, and was missing his glasses. Tegan shook her head freeing clumps of mud from her hair.

"Major, you're getting my embarkation room dirty." General Hammond called down through the loud speaker.

Jack tapped her on the shoulder and she turned to him. "What?"

Jack pointed to the red faced General.

Tegan grinned and waved. "I can't hear you; I've got mud in my ears."

"What the hell happened?"

"Mud slide." Jack answered.

* * *

Janet looked up as Sam and Tegan walked into the infirmary for the second time that hour. She'd sent them to the showers when they first walked in. "Sam you're with Dr. Scully."

Sam looked over at Dana and smiled.

Janet pulled the curtain around her and Tegan. "Did you get all the mud out of your ears?"

"What?"

Janet looked up to find a grin on Tegan's face. "You're in a good mood."

Tegan gave a one shouldered shrug.

"You look tired."

"Maybe." She neither confirmed or denied.

Janet pulled out her penlight and checked Tegan's pupils.

When Janet pocketed her stethoscope Tegan spoke again. "I'm taking some time off."

"Leave?"

Tegan nodded. "SG1 has been given the rest of the week, and our next two weekends are mission free, so I'm taking next week off. Any chance you could..."

"I'll see what I can swing." Janet knew as long as General Hammond would approve it she wouldn't have a problem. "Any plans?"

"No."

"Alright, you're free to go."

* * *

"You ok?" Janet asked as the plane taxied onto the runway.

"I'm fine."

"I think you've got an admirer.." Janet canted her head to the Nicole Kidman lookalike stewardess.

Tegan shrugged. "It's the arm, people have been staring all day."

Janet followed her gaze to the little girl and her curious mother across the isle. "No I know that look."

"What look?" Tegan glanced at the stewardess.

"The 'I just want to eat you alive' look."

"That's not 'that' look."

"Five bucks you're the first passenger she talks to when we're in the air."

"I don't doubt I will be, but it'll be to ask how I came to be a one armed gimp."

"You're not a one armed gimp."

"Yeah I know, but the kid's mom thinks I'm a freak."

Janet watched the stewardess unbuckle the seat belt to her jump seat once they were airborne. "Here she comes."

Tegan looked up as she approached.

The stewardess smiled, all teeth. "I love your hair color. Is it natural?"

"What?"

"Your hair color, it's such a beautiful shade of red."

"Thanks, it's natural."

"Can I get you anything? A pillow, anything?" She smiled then added, "on the house of course."

"Honey?" Tegan turned her head to Janet and laced their fingers together. "Do you need anything?"

"I think we'll be ok sweetie." She smiled as she laid on the thick southern accent.

"I think we're fine." Tegan turned back to the blushing stewardess.

* * *

Janet wiggled her toes in the warm sand and looked toward the group of young surfers who were approaching them.

"Tegan is that you?" The tall lanky blonde in the black checkered board shorts with an Australian accent jogged over.

"Brodie, how's it hanging?" She looked up using her right had to shield the sun from her eyes.

"Fine." He nodded to her left arm as the rest of the guys came up. "Shark attack?"

"No, work related accident."

"Another plane crash?" Jonesy asked.

"Acid."

"Stick with shark attack." Jonesy grinned. "It's way gnarly and the chicks dig it."

"Speaking of chicks," Brodie glanced at Janet. "Who's your mate?"

"This is Janet, and she's spoken for."

"Where's your board?" A third surfer with dark hair faded by the sun and a peeling nose asked.

"Back home."

"You can't come to Hawaii without a board." He shook his head. "And to think we call you surfer chick."

"That's what he calls you." Brodie smiled. "I call you red hot momma."

"Here." Jonesy held out his bright green surf board. "I've got another one in the van."

"Sponsor board?"

"Yeah, I'll just tell 'em shark ate it."

Tegan laughed. "Thanks."

"That means we better see you catching some waves."

"Actually," Tegan paused and looked at Janet. "We were just talking about going to find some grub."

Instead of pointing out they'd just gotten there, Janet nodded. They had been discussing what they'd do when they got hungry.

"Well, take the board anyway." He looked out at the over headers. "You can't be in Hawaii without one."

"Thanks Jonesy."

"No prob surfer chick." He flashed a white smile before winking at Janet. "We'll catch you later."

Janet looked at her for a minute after they'd walked off. "You hungry?"

Tegan shook her head and ran her hand over the wax and sand on the top of the board.

"Then go on out, I don't mind watching."

"I can't." Tegan's voice died in her throat.

"Why?"

"Can we get out of here? Do some sight seeing or something?"

"Sure."


	11. Chapter 11

**The Tegan Chronicles**

**Thicker than Blood 11**

When they got back to the hotel room Tegan collapsed on the bed she'd claimed earlier.

"So where do you want to go?"

"Paris." She sat up. "You mentioned wanting to go to Paris once."

"I did?"

"Yeah, 'We'll always have Paris'."

"So you do remember something about the movie."

Tegan nodded.

"I meant for dinner."

Tegan looked at her watch. "I don't think we can get there in time for dinner."

"You'd be bored in Paris."

"No I wouldn't, there's lots to do."

"Like what?" Janet pressed.

"Like the Louvre, the Eiffel tower, eat croissants."

"They don't have any beaches in Paris, no surf and sun."

Tegan shrugged.

"We don't have the clothes for Paris."

"We'll buy them."

"Why are you afraid of surfing?" Janet changed the subject.

"Shark attack." She mumbled.

"Shark attack?"

"I lost my arm in a shark attack."

Janet's brow creased. "The guys were joking Tegan."

"I'm not. I lost my arm to Hek'tu, to a shark, in a garbage disposal, to piranha, some strange alien device, a dragon, Teal'c's staff weapon." She thought that was it.

"I don't follow."

"At some point between actually losing my arm and waking up in the infirmary I lost my arm all those ways. The first time I was surfing, there was no one on the ocean but me. You were on the beach with an umbrella in your drink. The perfect wave came up, I caught it, and then a shark breached the surface of the water taking my arm in its jaw. It was so painful. I screamed for you, but it was too late, everything went black."

"In the infirmary, you screamed my name out in pain and I couldn't figure out why. We were unable to evoke any pain response. But I did give you pain medication when you would call out. I had no idea you were reliving losing your arm each time."

The room was silent for a long time before Tegan spoke. "Janet?"

"Yeah?"

"I don't want to stay here."

"Where do you want to go?"

"Home."

"I'll get us on the next flight out."

Janet hung up the phone. "We're leaving tomorrow at fourteen hundred hours."

"Janet, I'm sorry."

"Don't worry about it."

"No, not for this. Well, I'm sorry about this too, but I'm sorry I've been such an ass."

Janet shook her head, and sat beside her on the bed. "Don't say that, after everything you've been through."

"If I use everything I've been through as an excuse to treat you like crap, I'm no better than – " She stopped. It was the one person she despised above all else including the Goa'uld. It was the one person who made her who she was in so many ways. "I'd be no better than – " She couldn't say his name, "my father."

"Oh Tegan." The power of those words had Tegan curling into a ball against Janet's shoulder trying not to sob.

"I've been so horrible to so many people since I lost my arm, and I don't know how to tell you I'm sorry."

"You don't have to."

"I don't know how to make it right." Tegan sat up and pulled back. Her type A personality struggling for control.

"You don't have to do anything Tegan. I shouldn't have kept McKenzie's plans from you."

"You were following orders. There will be times when we have to keep things from each other, our jobs demand it."

"But only when our jobs demand it." Janet took her right hand in both of hers. "I love you Tegan, I never stopped loving you."

"I know, I love you too. But what do we do with all of this?"

"We just say we're sorry and move forward."

"I'm sorry." Tegan said with all the sincerity of her heart.

"I'm sorry too." Janet watched as Tegan smiled lightly.

"Are you hungry?"

"Starving."

"Me too."

* * *

Tegan slid under the sheets next to Janet.

"What are you doing?"

"What's it look like I'm doing?" She rolled onto her left side closing her eyes briefly to hide the flash of light she feared would show her pain.

"Tegan we don't have to – " She was cut off by a finger covering her lips.

"I've never done it in Hawaii." She replaced her finger with her mouth.

Janet lay there in post satiated bliss.

For Tegan the whole event had been a lesson in frustration, one armed lesbian sex was harder than it looked. She felt fingers moving inside her thigh and reached down trapping Janet's wrist. "Please, don't."

Janet nodded and pulled her hand away.

"Hold me?"

Janet pressed her body against her and gently held her in her arms.


	12. Chapter 12

**The Tegan Chronicles**

**Thicker than Blood 12**

"You've been awfully quiet." Tegan pulled Janet's suitcase off the conveyor belt in luggage claim and sat it at her feet.

Janet pointed to Tegan's suitcase as it came through the shoot. "Are you going back to work?"

"Is that what's been bugging you?" She smiled and reached for her suitcase. "I'm taking my leave. You?"

"Same." Janet let out a small sigh of relief as she spotted Cassie coming towards them. "Did you have any problems getting here?"

"No." Cassie handed the keys to Tegan. "Why'd you come back early?"

"Well..." Tegan looked at Janet and grinned. "We did everything we wanted to do in Hawaii."

"Gross." Cassie rolled her eyes.

"What's gross?" Janet asked.

"You guys had make up sex." She gave a knowing smile.

"What do you know about make up sex?"

"I'm not twelve any more mom."

"And you've..."

"No!" Cassie blushed. "It's in all the good movies."

"Yeah Janet, it's in all the 'good' movies." Tegan winked.

"So?" Cassie asked. "You guys are cool?"

Tegan nodded.

"Of course." Janet put her arm around Cassie. "What do I always tell you?"

"That love is thicker than blood."

* * *

"You're restless." They'd been home two days.

"I'm not restless." Tegan blew in Gallagher's ear causing him to turn and glare briefly at her.

"Yes, you are."

Tegan licked her lips carefully focusing on the tuft of gray-white fur in his ear, she pursed her lips and exhaled a steady stream at her target. He flicked his ear and turned batting at her face with his paw. It was a soft warning with his claws retracted. She smiled.

"You're tormenting the cat."

Tegan shrugged. "It's fun."

"You never tormented Shadow."

She frowned lightly. "Why don't we go out tonight? We can leave pizza money with Cassie."

"Go where?"

"I don't know." She shrugged. "Somewhere nice for dinner."

"Sure, just let me know what to wear."

"Something sexy." Tegan grinned.

"Not too sexy, Cassie will be here when we get back."

"I know." Tegan nodded.

Tegan came down stairs wearing a green sparkly cocktail dress.

"Nice threads." Cassie looked up from her science project as Tegan walked into the dinning room.

"Where's your mom?"

"Right here." Janet stepped out of her office wearing a strappy black dress that stopped at the knee.

"You know that look you said the stewardess on our flight to Hawaii was wearing?"

"Yeah?"

"This," she pointed to herself, "is that look."

Janet grinned.

When their dinner orders arrived Tegan cut into her steak and looked over at Janet's lobster and filet mignon. "Do you believe in an afterlife?"

Janet looked up wondering where the question had come from. "I don't know, you've been to the brink and back enough times, I thought maybe you could tell me."

Tegan shrugged as she swallowed a mouthful of baked potato.

"Why'd you ask?"

"When I was.." She poked a piece of steak with her fork. "Before I regained consciousness, I... I dreamt about Shadow, and my grandmother. It was, it was so real."

Janet nodded, a flicker of sadness in her eyes.

"What?"

"What did you talk to her about?"

"I asked her if I was dying."

"What did she tell you?"

"That the rest of the journey was up to me."

Janet nodded. "Aside from when I was on the beach and couldn't save you from the shark did you dream about me?"

Tegan was cutting into her steak and froze. "Why?"

"You told me goodbye, and to this day I don't believe for a second it was a dream. I could feel you, and when I opened my eyes I could still smell you in my quarters."

"Always and forever."

Janet nodded. "That's how long..."

"I'll love you." Tegan smiled lightly as her mobile rang. She pulled her phone out and hit the answer button. "Kiser. - Yes she is. - We'll be there."

"Rain check on dessert?"

"Yeah, we're being called to base."


End file.
